Monday, January 24, 2011

"Do not go gentle into that good night..."

OK, girlfriend, I know it's been a long time. Call it paralysis. Maybe I have said it before. If not, it bears repeating. If the year of cancer treatment is a marathon (Juliette reminded me as I began my 17 rounds of chemo in 2009 that I, ever the sprinter, needed to prepare for mile 15, when it really starts to burn...) Well, if last year was a marathon. The year after is a sprint. A sprint to get as far away from the anniversary of the diagnosis and every anniversary since so that you can get that next year under your belt. Well, I guess I have been busy sprinting because I haven't felt like sitting down and updating all that has been going through my mind. Trying to get back to work, though at times I find myself distracted or dangerously engaged in too much multi-tasking. So this is why I have not been writing. Please forgive me and know that I have been saving up a number of posts so you may be hearing a lot from me in the coming days and weeks. I've always been a bit all or nothing and now I have realized I have a few things to say.

For one, I am preparing for my last surgery next week on February 1. The final reconstruction. Had a final meeting with my plastic surgeon, Dr. Scott Spear at Georgetown today. Genius. But glad I met with him. I was concerned when his nurse told me that the implants they would replace my place-holding expanders with would look "more natural" a.k.a. less in your face. I made sure that Dr. Spear knew that, in fact, I am not looking for something more "natural" i.e. showing the effects of gravity. I told him that I did not go through all I went through last year to look more "natural". Afterall, everyone in the world now knows they are no longer real so why be coy now. I want perfect.

More on that tomorrow. In the meantime, everyone who has had a cancer diagnosis knows that nighttime is the hardest so you may ask why I just tuned into Q and A with Brian Lamb to hear Christopher Hitchens' musings on cancer and death. Well, I found it gripping, as will you. I will include the link along with two must buy (actually three) books. For now, goodnight. And sorry for the period of quiet. I now have found that in fact I have a lot I have been meaning to tell you.